[There isn't any hesitance behind it; he really is aware of that much. He's quiet for a moment longer before he continues; he knows he said he doesn't want to talk, but...]
I think I understand some things. About what he was trying to do.
[Jaeger doesn't say anything at first, but the initial sharp inhale probably says everything it needs to. Wesker was trying so hard to keep those memories separate and now...
Now they're supposed to believe that these are their own memories, aren't they? But... he doesn't want to believe that and he's sure that it's even worse for Wesker. He has no idea how much worse, but warmongering is probably the least of Wesker's concerns.
He shakes his head and it takes him a moment to respond.]
What was he trying to do?
[He doesn't have any reason to believe that those kids were lying about what they learned, but it's easier to default to this than to ask what Wesker was doing.]
I still don't know details. I don't know what the plan was, and I don't know how he planned on carrying it out. I simply know that there was one.
[That much is important to clarify, he's fairly sure - he doesn't know exactly what was happening, just that - ]
...I remembered being on a boat. A large tanker ship, surrounded by undead creatures that I wasn't afraid of. Like they were supposed to be there. And there was someone else there - I don't know why, I don't remember. But I remembered talking to him, saying that he would understand, when he...saw my new world. There was a pile of corpses there, and then there was this thing that consumed them, some sort of monster and I don't know where it came from but apparently I created things like that, if that bat thing was anything to judge by, but this was...different...
[His speech is becoming more rapid as he continues, and he isn't making eye contact; his stare is weirdly blank, focused somewhere directly in front of him, at the blank space right in front of his eyes as opposed to anything in the room.]
I've remembered a few things similar to the monster I saw that time - it's a recurring theme, after a certain point the monsters always look similar. Perhaps I wanted to do something with them.
[...]
...I told you about what he- ...about what I said, after the old man died. About becoming a god somehow.
[That's definitely not good. None of that is good, but becoming god and creating monsters and talking about creating a new world... The other Wesker sounds like some kind of crazy supervillain. And he is a different man from the one Jaeger's talking to regardless of what's been said, because this Wesker wouldn't do something like that. This Wesker may be a bit unethical but he certainly wouldn't do any of that.
Maybe that's the sort of thing he should articulate instead of just keeping inside his head but for right now it helps. It settles him, centers him, and he's able to find a response.]
I remember, ja. That sounds like it would have been difficult to remember, on top of the whole sinking ship problem. I'm sorry.
[...]
Do you still want to remember what his plans were?
[Since you've switched over to first person, things might have changed.]
Running from it won't solve anything. If these really are my memories - if this is genuinely something that I tried to do - then I'd think it's more important now than ever to understand everything I can.
[He falters a bit at that, really; he's been keeping himself together reasonably well, minor...troubles with explaining the memories earlier aside, but something in that gets him to hesitate, to come back into himself a bit as the distance recedes only to have him avoid eye contact again.]
...Don't. Just...don't let it concern you. Everything will be fine.
[It won't be, will it? As much as Wesker tries to convince himself that it'll be fine, it won't be. Because he is that man and there's not a damn thing they can do about it.
Jaeger doesn't know how to handle this, so he does the same thing he's always done. He forces a smile and nods.]
Ja, of course it will be. You're the strongest man I know, Albert. You'll be fine.
[It won't be fine, despite how much Wesker needs it to be; somewhere in there he knows that, that there's no way things will be fine and he doesn't think he can handle it, not really, but he doesn't have a choice because if he doesn't handle it then an entire world will remain destroyed because of him and while he may have been able to handle that notion before, back when he was creating these memories in the first place, the fact remains that now...
Now he just needs everything to be fine, and it's not going to be, and he can feel himself bristling tightly because Jaeger is doing that thing he does when he lies, and Wesker realizes that he's shaking his head without really being certain of what he's reacting to, and that tightness is seizing his chest again and the silence has gone on for too long but he doesn't know what to say to fix that- ]
There's a...reason that I don't want to discuss things like this, I...
[And there's a tightness to his words, too, even if he makes himself stop there; he knows that's unfair, and when he shakes his head again it's more an attempt to clear it than anything else.]
We don't have any proof of anything, anyway. We just have someone's word - it's all hypothetical.
[Jaeger understands a bit better now. Wesker has plenty of reason to want to keep this all inside his head instead of talking about it. Maybe he's not ignoring it like Jaeger would, but talking about it solidifies it, makes it impossible to dismiss. Maybe he shouldn't press Wesker into talking about these sorts of things, but his curiosity is overwhelming. And if Wesker really is the man from his memories (he isn't, he can't be) then shouldn't Jaeger get to know the other man as well as he possibly can?
He'd said he wouldn't like the other Wesker. But is that really the case?
The silence lasts for too long before Wesker breaks it, and Jaeger doesn't rush him even after he has. This is a lot to deal with for anyone, but Wesker seems to have the worst of it.]
You're right. We're probably overreacting, aren't we? Until we have solid proof of it, we shouldn't let it get to us.
[Those kids seemed convinced that what they were saying was the truth, but it's easier to believe that they were misled.]
[There's still entirely too much tension behind his words, however, a sort of tautness that he can't shake off; he quite suddenly doesn't want to be here, but he doesn't want to just get up and leave, either.]
...I'll be fine in a few days. Right now it's just a bit much, that's all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...I remembered some things that were troubling during that first week. On top of everything else.
[The Are you happy now? is almost audible on the end of that.]
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What did you remember?
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[Speaking of not answering things.]
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I won't press you, then. Just remember that you can always talk about anything with me, ja?
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[There isn't any hesitance behind it; he really is aware of that much. He's quiet for a moment longer before he continues; he knows he said he doesn't want to talk, but...]
I think I understand some things. About what he was trying to do.
[...]
About what...I was trying to do, I suppose.
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Now they're supposed to believe that these are their own memories, aren't they? But... he doesn't want to believe that and he's sure that it's even worse for Wesker. He has no idea how much worse, but warmongering is probably the least of Wesker's concerns.
He shakes his head and it takes him a moment to respond.]
What was he trying to do?
[He doesn't have any reason to believe that those kids were lying about what they learned, but it's easier to default to this than to ask what Wesker was doing.]
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[That much is important to clarify, he's fairly sure - he doesn't know exactly what was happening, just that - ]
...I remembered being on a boat. A large tanker ship, surrounded by undead creatures that I wasn't afraid of. Like they were supposed to be there. And there was someone else there - I don't know why, I don't remember. But I remembered talking to him, saying that he would understand, when he...saw my new world. There was a pile of corpses there, and then there was this thing that consumed them, some sort of monster and I don't know where it came from but apparently I created things like that, if that bat thing was anything to judge by, but this was...different...
[His speech is becoming more rapid as he continues, and he isn't making eye contact; his stare is weirdly blank, focused somewhere directly in front of him, at the blank space right in front of his eyes as opposed to anything in the room.]
I've remembered a few things similar to the monster I saw that time - it's a recurring theme, after a certain point the monsters always look similar. Perhaps I wanted to do something with them.
[...]
...I told you about what he- ...about what I said, after the old man died. About becoming a god somehow.
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Maybe that's the sort of thing he should articulate instead of just keeping inside his head but for right now it helps. It settles him, centers him, and he's able to find a response.]
I remember, ja. That sounds like it would have been difficult to remember, on top of the whole sinking ship problem. I'm sorry.
[...]
Do you still want to remember what his plans were?
[Since you've switched over to first person, things might have changed.]
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[The response is immediate.]
Running from it won't solve anything. If these really are my memories - if this is genuinely something that I tried to do - then I'd think it's more important now than ever to understand everything I can.
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[It's easier to run away and try to ignore it, but that isn't Wesker's way of handling things.]
I hope you find the answers you're looking for, then. I may not be able to do anything to help, but I'll listen if you ever need someone to talk to.
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I'll be all right, Jaeger. You know that.
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Will you really? You wanted to distance yourself from these memories and now... Well, now it's harder to do that.
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[His tone is sharp in a way that it usually isn't, particularly not as far as talking to Jaeger goes.]
Either I'll handle it or I won't. There isn't much of a middle ground.
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Ja, I know, but...
[...]
I'm sorry you have to go through this.
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Don't.]
It's as I've said. I'll be all right. There's just a good amount that I don't understand right now.
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[How does he put this...?]
I really do hope that you will be fine. I wish I could do something to help.
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[He falters a bit at that, really; he's been keeping himself together reasonably well, minor...troubles with explaining the memories earlier aside, but something in that gets him to hesitate, to come back into himself a bit as the distance recedes only to have him avoid eye contact again.]
...Don't. Just...don't let it concern you. Everything will be fine.
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Jaeger doesn't know how to handle this, so he does the same thing he's always done. He forces a smile and nods.]
Ja, of course it will be. You're the strongest man I know, Albert. You'll be fine.
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Now he just needs everything to be fine, and it's not going to be, and he can feel himself bristling tightly because Jaeger is doing that thing he does when he lies, and Wesker realizes that he's shaking his head without really being certain of what he's reacting to, and that tightness is seizing his chest again and the silence has gone on for too long but he doesn't know what to say to fix that- ]
There's a...reason that I don't want to discuss things like this, I...
[And there's a tightness to his words, too, even if he makes himself stop there; he knows that's unfair, and when he shakes his head again it's more an attempt to clear it than anything else.]
We don't have any proof of anything, anyway. We just have someone's word - it's all hypothetical.
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He'd said he wouldn't like the other Wesker. But is that really the case?
The silence lasts for too long before Wesker breaks it, and Jaeger doesn't rush him even after he has. This is a lot to deal with for anyone, but Wesker seems to have the worst of it.]
You're right. We're probably overreacting, aren't we? Until we have solid proof of it, we shouldn't let it get to us.
[Those kids seemed convinced that what they were saying was the truth, but it's easier to believe that they were misled.]
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[There's still entirely too much tension behind his words, however, a sort of tautness that he can't shake off; he quite suddenly doesn't want to be here, but he doesn't want to just get up and leave, either.]
...I'll be fine in a few days. Right now it's just a bit much, that's all.
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[He's not sure he really believes that Wesker will be fine, but he'll be better in a few days.]
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[...]
My apologies for all of this - it isn't anything you should be dealing with, particularly on top of everything else.
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[There's just nothing he can do for Wesker now.]
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