scythegun | INBOX

Oh, I almost forgot about that! I take it the two of you aren't seeing each other anymore?

[He doubts you'd agree to this if you were, but hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.]

We came to a mutual understanding regarding the relationship at around that time - toward the end of August - though we've never properly discussed it in-depth.

[it's. complicated? he doesn't know.]

I'm still very fond of her, intensely so. But things have been better, since all of that. The nature of things has changed, at least.

[...IT'S COMPLICATED, HE DOESN'T KNOW.]

Ah, I see. Obviously I can't complain about that, but I suppose it's good that the two of you are still on friendly terms!

Of course we are.

[It wasn't like anything was terribly heated or anything, when it ended.]

...Along those lines, I remembered something else after our discussion that was surprisingly optimistic. I told you that I don't believe I'd had any relationships that were normal, as far as my memories go - apparently I was mistaken, with regards to that.

Ah, really? Tell me more!

[If he sounds excited, it's because he is. Holy shit, that's such a good thing to remember? Maybe there's hope for you yet! (No.)]

[...]

This happened before most of the other things I've recalled, I believe. But at one point I met a woman from eastern Europe. She had blue eyes, and the most striking red hair I'd ever seen... She had come to the States alone, and while I don't remember details regarding how we met, I do know that we were together for quite some time.

She...loved me, and she made certain that I knew that, and I did care for her - as much as I was capable, given the circumstances.

[You know. Having been raised in a murder dungeon and brainwashed to hell and back. That sort of does a number on your capacity to care for people, but there was a good faith effort put forth, apparently.]

It didn't end on terribly good terms, admittedly; there was a fight at one point, and... Well, I suppose she returned to Europe eventually, and we lost touch. I don't know what happened to her beyond that, but that's still more optimistic than anything else I've recalled regarding interpersonal relationships so far.

[...It's still a mess, but he was happy with her for a while and nobody died? That's got to count for something.]

[All things considered, that is pretty good...]

I see. I'm glad you remembered something like that even if it didn't end well; it sounds like it was a mostly normal relationship, honestly!

[What a relief to hear...]

...Once in a while, they're like that.

[It's similar to something he'd said after remembering Birkin a bit more; a lot of his memories are bad, but sometimes...]

There are a few people that I'm fairly sure I liked - my coworker that I've told you about, and that person on the force that I trained; there's someone else that I've been seeing recently in all this whatnot involving the fog, and now there's this woman as well...

Sometimes I remember things involving them, and it's surprisingly pleasant for the time that it lasts. It isn't all terrible, though a good amount of it is.

Ja, you've told me that it isn't all terrible. I'm glad it isn't. You're already dealing with more than I can ever imagine, I'd hate to think that it's all unbearable.

...I'm curious about yours, you know. The people you've been remembering. You haven't mentioned much about them, other than the fact that the person in your memories treats his daughters strangely and was conspiring to start a war with what I assume is a male escort of some sort.

[Well, that...started out well, anyway.]

Oh come now, he wasn't...

[...]

Actually, he might have been for all I know. Oh dear.

[ANYWAY MOVING RIGHT ALONG...]

I haven't remembered much about the people in my life, unfortunately. There's the male escort, my daughters, and... well, that's about it. The other people I've remembered all seemed to have it out for me for various reasons, I'd assume.

[...You had your daughters and a hooker. And a bunch of people trying to kill you.

The fuck was your life.]

Hopefully the latter ones were at least entertaining about it...?

Well, aside from the dog I didn't like there were a group of young people who keep popping up in my memories. They're as as poorly-dressed as everyone else from my world. Then there was the older man who tried to take my head off after breaking into my house for... some reason...? I'm still not sure why he felt the need to do that.

They've been fairly entertaining, in other words!

Oh, and there's Regaey - someone I'm posing as for some reason. I'm still not sure why I was doing that or even who Regaey is supposed to be.

Well, perhaps someday all of that will fill itself in eventually. I still have a few people I've remembered that don't seem to make any sense, either, if it's any consolation to you - nowhere near as disjointedly as yours, however.

I'm sure it will make sense at some point. There's still so much I don't know about who I was or why I was acting the way I was, but I'm not too worried about it right now. I know I'm not the same person, after all!

[He's definitely got some things in common with that man, but there are more differences than similarities that he can see.]

That's fair, though you've always been better at separating that out than I have.

Only because I refused to acknowledge that we could be the same person. I think I'm handling that a bit better now, though.

[Dealing with those nightmares was actually good for him, who knew?]

...That's good to know.

[...]

I do find it admirable in some ways, you know. Your ability to not be as affected by this, whether I agree with the method or not.

Really? Well... Thank you.

[He's not sure what to do with that and it shows, but he's trying not to dismiss it or make it seem like he doesn't appreciate the praise.]

I'm doing my best! Things have gotten a bit easier lately, thankfully. It might be because I haven't remembered anything troubling in quite some time. Confusing, sure, but nothing that really bothers me any.

It's still impressive, I think.

[...Just...saying. He's never really expressed that before.]

...Thanks.

[He's not really used to being praised like this? What does he do with this.]

I really do appreciate it! I don't mean to sound like I don't. It's really nice to hear.

I know what you meant.

[He generally does, really; he can't always read a room well, but with Jaeger it's easier, most of the time.]

And it's...fine. I haven't told you that before, after all.

It's really high praise coming from you! I've always admired your strength when it comes to dealing with all of this, after all.

...I don't know if it's strength, so much as not knowing how else I'm supposed to handle this.

[That's probably the most honest he's been about this sort of thing.]

I continue on and try to keep everything as normal as possible, because what else am I supposed to do? It isn't as though I have any other options.

I don't know if that can truly be considered strength or not. But I do appreciate the sentiment.

I think it does require a certain amount of strength to keep going. Sure, there may not be any other option, but I doubt I could do it half as well as you do. Some of my memories have been bad, but most of them are just confusing. It makes it a little easier to distance myself from it, I suppose. If I had a lot of memories that bothered me... well, I don't know how I'd be handling that.

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