It's something I've been suspecting for some time. That my memories would result in something like that eventually.
[He seems...abnormally calm about this, all things considered? He's being incredibly level about the whole thing, and his words are about as even as they usually are. Which is likely not the best sign in the world, honestly.]
...It's likely not something that I should have told you. But again, it seems unfair to keep something like that from you.
[He absolutely does not have this and he's not sure he'll ever have it again, honestly. This is a lot to take in. It's no wonder Wesker wanted him to stay over. He's not sure he ever wants to leave.]
No, no... It's a lot, but it's... Ja, it's good that you've told me. As you said, I need to know, right?
[Jaeger shakes his head as if to clear it. He's trying, that's really the most that can be said right now.]
I'll be honest with you, this is sort of terrifying. Saying it's a lot to take in is an understatement. But... that doesn't change that you're still very important to me, Albert. I don't know if I can do anything to help, but I'm here for you.
...This is the sort of thing that I've told you about before. The reason why I don't explain so many of my memories to you.
[His words are still unnaturally calm, but he can feel his breathing picking up; he's quick to work his hands into his sleeves, to toy with the fabric there to give himself something to do, and he takes a moment to breathe, to try to force his breathing itself to become less jagged- ]
There are some things where you can't force the burden of knowing onto someone else - where things change for them, once they know. I imagine you understand what I mean when I say that, now.
[And there are a lot of things he isn't saying, still - he understands if this is a dealbreaker, he understands if Jaeger wants nothing further to do with him beyond this point...
He understands, but that doesn't change the fact that he can feel himself shaking despite himself.]
[Jaeger's not entirely sure when he got up off the bed and approached Wesker, but suddenly he's here and he's not really sure what to do with himself now that he is.]
I do. I understand better than I ever have before. But that doesn't mean I'm going to run away.
[He reaches out for Wesker's arm then, just moving to rest his hand there awkwardly, if Wesker will let him.]
I want to say "everything will be fine", but I don't know that it will. I want to tell you that everything's okay right now, but I can't say that either. What I can say is that this doesn't change my feelings for you. You're still my closest friend and the only person I'd trust with everything. You mean the world to me, Albert. This doesn't change that.
[He's scared and he's shaking a bit too, but Jaeger's doing his best to calm himself down.]
[Jaeger's approach at least gets him to stop pacing, though he doesn't seem to know what to do with his presence so close to him, either. He doesn't flinch away from Jaeger's touch at all, though, not like he used to; he simply allows it, even if it's probably making the tension and the shaking more obvious as the moments pass.
He doesn't know what to say to that, so for the time being he simply doesn't; he just focuses on trying to calm himself down - something that doesn't seem to be working very well, honestly - but he does nod a bit at Jaeger's words. More acknowledgement than anything, a sign that he's heard him and isn't so far up in his head that he can't respond, but he rather clearly doesn't know what to do with any of this.]
[He just shakes his head a bit at that - he doesn't seem to be disagreeing, more trying to clear his head, and it's...obvious that it's not working.]
...Six billion people, Jaeger.
[It's quiet when he says it; his voice is still surprisingly even, but it's likely becoming increasingly clear that that's because he doesn't know what he should do with his vocal inflection.]
I was prepared to kill at least six billion people.
[You really do like making this hard on him, don't you?]
I see. Obviously I don't approve of that at all, but that's what happened before all this. We're different people now - very different people. You wouldn't do something like that now and no matter what Retrospec wants us to believe, we're not exactly like the people we were.
You believe that, don't you?
[There's a hint of desperation in his voice. Please tell him you still believe that.]
[That's perhaps the most confident he's been since this conversation started. No matter how bad things get, he genuinely believes that Wesker never will be the same man he was before.]
You're the strongest person I know, Albert. No matter what happens - no matter what you remember - you'll always be you. You're not the same person you were back then and you never will be like him again. I have complete faith in that.
[His grip tightens a bit on Wesker's arm again, though it's not desperate this time.]
[Jaeger's touch is nice, for some reason that he can't figure out; it's comforting, in its own way, and despite himself he seems to be relaxing a little.]
...You keep saying that, regarding how strong you think I am. [...] It means a lot, hearing that.
[He shifts a bit, but he isn't trying to pull away from Jaeger's touch; he doesn't want to break that.]
If you're going to insist that I need to believe this, then so do you. You understand that much...?
Of course you will; nothing is going to change that.
[That response is immediate, at least; he's almost content to leave it at that, but after a moment's deliberation, he doesn't.
He moves forward a bit instead, and while it's infinitely more awkward to do it here than it is in dreams - and it was awkward as hell in Jaeger's dream that one time - he pulls Jaeger closer into what amounts to the world's most stilted embrace. It's obvious that he's bad at this still, and he'll let go if Jaeger wants him to, but for now this is...good, in some way that he isn't used to.]
[Jaeger hesitates for a brief moment, but before Wesker can pull away he's quick to latch on. His grip is probably a little too tight, but he doesn't want to let go any time soon.
For once in his life, Jaeger doesn't have anything to say. He'll just cling for a little while, if that's fine with everyone.]
He isn't exactly expecting the force with which Jaeger latches on to him, but he doesn't try to pull away from it, either; after a while one of his hands will shift upwards to tousle the back of his hair gently, and while the gesture is uncertain it's probably the closest to affectionate that he's been with anyone in a long time.
He won't move, or try to encourage him to let go; he'll stay where he is, don't worry - he's not going anywhere.]
[Oh, that's nice... The tension leaves Jaeger all at once and for a moment he just sort of leans on Wesker while he relaxes. It's sort of silly, but he's really missed physical affection like this.
He'll find words eventually, but they're sort of muffled.]
...Thank you. I'm fine, I'm just... tired, suddenly. I don't really want to move right now.
[His hand pauses for a brief moment against Jaeger's hair when he's leaned up against more thoroughly, though he'll start up again easily enough; he sounds decidedly calmer when he replies - genuinely so, not the odd sort of forced calmness from before.]
As long as you want - I wasn't going anywhere.
[It's weirding him out a little, but it's nice, overall; he doesn't particularly want to move either, if he's honest.]
[It's still sort of mumbled, quiet in a way he usually isn't. It's content-sounding, though.]
I never would have imagined our lives would turn out like this. Not that I'm complaining, of course. Thank you, Albert.
[He's not sure what part of this he's thanking Wesker for. Telling him about all of this? Trusting him with it? Just letting him cling for awhile as he sorts himself out? All of that, probably.]
[Wesker isn't sure what he's being thanked for, either, but he's not going to argue with it any; there's a fair amount to argue there, granted, but for the time being he's content to just keep stroking Jaeger's hair and hold him for a while longer.
His immediate response is to want to say that Jaeger deserves it, but he bites it back; it's striking him a bit too roughly for the time being, saying what people do and don't deserve, and it sort of begs the question of whether he thinks in those terms because of his past life's fixation on judgement. It's not something he wants to think about for too long right now, though it's going to bother him later.
For now, though...for now he just shifts slightly, nuzzling up a little before he settles; he's not really a physically affectionate person and it shows, but he's doing what he can for the time being.]
...You don't have to thank me for any of this. I did tell you that I'll do what I can for you.
[Oh, that's... really nice, actually. Jaeger leans into that a bit before resettling once Wesker stops. He didn't realize how badly he needed something like this, but now he never wants to let go.]
Ja, I know. And you do a very good job of that! I'm so thankful I've had the opportunity to get to know you so well.
[Even though all of this mess with Retrospec is horrible... he can't say he completely hates it. It did bring him closer to Wesker, after all.]
[The feeling of Jaeger's grip tightening gets a soft but pleased noise out of him; it feels nice, and he's sort of vibrating a little, but it's understated, not nearly the level of shaking that he was doing earlier.]
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It's something I've been suspecting for some time. That my memories would result in something like that eventually.
[He seems...abnormally calm about this, all things considered? He's being incredibly level about the whole thing, and his words are about as even as they usually are. Which is likely not the best sign in the world, honestly.]
...It's likely not something that I should have told you. But again, it seems unfair to keep something like that from you.
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No, no... It's a lot, but it's... Ja, it's good that you've told me. As you said, I need to know, right?
[Jaeger shakes his head as if to clear it. He's trying, that's really the most that can be said right now.]
I'll be honest with you, this is sort of terrifying. Saying it's a lot to take in is an understatement. But... that doesn't change that you're still very important to me, Albert. I don't know if I can do anything to help, but I'm here for you.
[That's really the most he can offer.]
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[His words are still unnaturally calm, but he can feel his breathing picking up; he's quick to work his hands into his sleeves, to toy with the fabric there to give himself something to do, and he takes a moment to breathe, to try to force his breathing itself to become less jagged- ]
There are some things where you can't force the burden of knowing onto someone else - where things change for them, once they know. I imagine you understand what I mean when I say that, now.
[And there are a lot of things he isn't saying, still - he understands if this is a dealbreaker, he understands if Jaeger wants nothing further to do with him beyond this point...
He understands, but that doesn't change the fact that he can feel himself shaking despite himself.]
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I do. I understand better than I ever have before. But that doesn't mean I'm going to run away.
[He reaches out for Wesker's arm then, just moving to rest his hand there awkwardly, if Wesker will let him.]
I want to say "everything will be fine", but I don't know that it will. I want to tell you that everything's okay right now, but I can't say that either. What I can say is that this doesn't change my feelings for you. You're still my closest friend and the only person I'd trust with everything. You mean the world to me, Albert. This doesn't change that.
[He's scared and he's shaking a bit too, but Jaeger's doing his best to calm himself down.]
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He doesn't know what to say to that, so for the time being he simply doesn't; he just focuses on trying to calm himself down - something that doesn't seem to be working very well, honestly - but he does nod a bit at Jaeger's words. More acknowledgement than anything, a sign that he's heard him and isn't so far up in his head that he can't respond, but he rather clearly doesn't know what to do with any of this.]
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I'm here for you, okay? No matter what. I'm not going to leave. I'll be by your side for as long as you want me here.
[His grip has tightened on Wesker's arm and he forces himself to loosen it so he doesn't have a death hold on the other man.]
Whatever happens, whatever else you remember, we'll face it together. If I can handle this, I can handle anything else your memories have in store.
[And dear god, he hopes he can handle this.]
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...Six billion people, Jaeger.
[It's quiet when he says it; his voice is still surprisingly even, but it's likely becoming increasingly clear that that's because he doesn't know what he should do with his vocal inflection.]
I was prepared to kill at least six billion people.
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I see. Obviously I don't approve of that at all, but that's what happened before all this. We're different people now - very different people. You wouldn't do something like that now and no matter what Retrospec wants us to believe, we're not exactly like the people we were.
You believe that, don't you?
[There's a hint of desperation in his voice. Please tell him you still believe that.]
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I won't become that. Regardless of what Retrospec wants, I'm not...
[He shakes his head again; this is...it's difficult, and it's not something he really knows how to articulate.
He does want to believe that; he just...isn't sure how much he legitimately does.]
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[That's perhaps the most confident he's been since this conversation started. No matter how bad things get, he genuinely believes that Wesker never will be the same man he was before.]
You're the strongest person I know, Albert. No matter what happens - no matter what you remember - you'll always be you. You're not the same person you were back then and you never will be like him again. I have complete faith in that.
[His grip tightens a bit on Wesker's arm again, though it's not desperate this time.]
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...You keep saying that, regarding how strong you think I am. [...] It means a lot, hearing that.
[He shifts a bit, but he isn't trying to pull away from Jaeger's touch; he doesn't want to break that.]
If you're going to insist that I need to believe this, then so do you. You understand that much...?
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[He doesn't pull away, but he does pat Wesker's arm for emphasis. It's important that Wesker knows exactly how much he means to Jaeger.
That question only gets a momentary pause from him before he nods.]
Ja, I know. I think I'll be okay now. No matter what I remember, I'll have you to help me through it, won't I?
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[That response is immediate, at least; he's almost content to leave it at that, but after a moment's deliberation, he doesn't.
He moves forward a bit instead, and while it's infinitely more awkward to do it here than it is in dreams - and it was awkward as hell in Jaeger's dream that one time - he pulls Jaeger closer into what amounts to the world's most stilted embrace. It's obvious that he's bad at this still, and he'll let go if Jaeger wants him to, but for now this is...good, in some way that he isn't used to.]
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For once in his life, Jaeger doesn't have anything to say. He'll just cling for a little while, if that's fine with everyone.]
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He isn't exactly expecting the force with which Jaeger latches on to him, but he doesn't try to pull away from it, either; after a while one of his hands will shift upwards to tousle the back of his hair gently, and while the gesture is uncertain it's probably the closest to affectionate that he's been with anyone in a long time.
He won't move, or try to encourage him to let go; he'll stay where he is, don't worry - he's not going anywhere.]
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He'll find words eventually, but they're sort of muffled.]
...Thank you. I'm fine, I'm just... tired, suddenly. I don't really want to move right now.
[Indulge him for a little longer, okay?]
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As long as you want - I wasn't going anywhere.
[It's weirding him out a little, but it's nice, overall; he doesn't particularly want to move either, if he's honest.]
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[It's still sort of mumbled, quiet in a way he usually isn't. It's content-sounding, though.]
I never would have imagined our lives would turn out like this. Not that I'm complaining, of course. Thank you, Albert.
[He's not sure what part of this he's thanking Wesker for. Telling him about all of this? Trusting him with it? Just letting him cling for awhile as he sorts himself out? All of that, probably.]
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His immediate response is to want to say that Jaeger deserves it, but he bites it back; it's striking him a bit too roughly for the time being, saying what people do and don't deserve, and it sort of begs the question of whether he thinks in those terms because of his past life's fixation on judgement. It's not something he wants to think about for too long right now, though it's going to bother him later.
For now, though...for now he just shifts slightly, nuzzling up a little before he settles; he's not really a physically affectionate person and it shows, but he's doing what he can for the time being.]
...You don't have to thank me for any of this. I did tell you that I'll do what I can for you.
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Ja, I know. And you do a very good job of that! I'm so thankful I've had the opportunity to get to know you so well.
[Even though all of this mess with Retrospec is horrible... he can't say he completely hates it. It did bring him closer to Wesker, after all.]
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It almost makes the entire experience worthwhile, doesn't it.
[As much as he'd prefer to not have all of these damn memories in his head, he can't deny that this much is good.]
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[This much is absolutely good; he can't imagine what his life would be like without Wesker in it, after all.]
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Just give him a moment; he's overstimulated in a way that he usually isn't.]
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I'm so glad I've had the opportunity to get to know you, Albert. I don't know if I can ever express just how much that means to me.
[The words are still sort of muffled, but he sounds happy.]
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...It means a lot to me, hearing that. Thank you.
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