Find something metal; one of the fireplace pokers should work. You're not going to like it, but you'll understand why I don't want you using anything wooden or any sort of proper weapon when we're done.

[He'll stand up as he says it, if only to avoid the awkwardness of the most immediate target being his damn head.]

Swing it at me as hard as possible. Just once. Don't hold back, just trust me. I wouldn't ask you to do anything that has even a chance of hurting me, because I'm not going to put that on you. Do you believe me?